Hypocrite...

I always tell people never to keep things bottled up inside. I guess I don't practice what I preach. That makes me a hypocrite.

People always think they understand what it is I'm going through because I'm such an open person. My ex-boyfriend says I wear my emotions on my sleeve. Truth is you see what I want you to see, nothing more, nothing less. I never let anyone understand the anguish that is truly bundled up within the pit of my stomach. I never tell you about the things that trouble me the most...I barely let you scratch the surface. This makes me a hypocrite.

I cannot allow myself to be so vulnerable...you say I'm open but you don't really know me. You have no idea at all. I guess it's because I've tried to lay it all on the table so many times with so many different people, only to be disappointed at every turn. To always put in 100% never so much as half of that in return. You think you know me but what do you really know? You don't know me at all, but does that make me a hypocrite?

Or does that make you completely oblivious? To never be able to see past "I'm fine" or "I'll be ok", never, not once. Either way, I suppose things will continue to be the same. You'll go on believing that you know me and I will go on...letting you believe what you will, and that makes me a hypocrite.

Life Hurts...

Sometimes....I'm so over this life and living it. Today is one of those days.

What's a girl to do though? You can't simply stop living. How does that make things better? Who exactly do you help?

I choose to live on...because if you've hit rock bottom...there's no other way to go but up

Pink Duchess
xoxo

OMG..Did You See The True Blood Finale?

So have you watched it yet? If you haven't, LEAVE THE PAGE NOW. I will not beheld responsible for the spoilers! The post might be a little long but bear with me...it's 2 a.m. and I'm excited!

Still with me? Fantastic!

Who could have anticipated that the title of the finale would have been taken so literal? "And if I die..."; the season finale ended with a bang! First up on the list of surprises, Jesus dies :(. He gave the ultimate sacrifices; his life and his magic to keep Lafayette safe. It was very sad to watch, though I couldn't help thinking that Marnie had no other host to possess at the moment, so Lala would have probably been okay if Jesus had held out. However, we all know that Marnie is one crazy lunatic so who's to tell if she wouldn't have really plucked Lafayette's eyeball out and had it for breakfast?

Fast forward a few scenes, and we are at King Bill's mansion, and Mrs Crazy herself has Bill and Eric both bound in silver and ready to be burned at the stake. At this point in time, I'm so over Marnie...I just wanna see her go but not at Lafayette's expense. Holly draws a circle with salt and she, along with Sookie and Tara start chanting and then shit gets real. Out from the cemetery walks a bunch of dead people, including Antonia and Adele (Sookie's grandmother) who pulls Marnie the fuck out of Lafayette. Antonia convices her to finally get her crazy ass up on out of the show and Adele leaves Sookie with some real good advice: 'don't be afraid to be alone'.

While all this is going on Jason is once again fucking Jessica, even after Hoyt kicked his ass earlier and tells him that he will never experience the kind of love and passion that he and Jessica once shared with anyone because "something is missing from inside of him". I think Hoyt's anger was heightened from Jason's elaboration on the many different sex positions that he and the forever virgin Jessica had tried. In a naughty Red Riding Hood costume, mid-ride, Jessica tells Jason she's not ready to commit to him, that way she wont hurt him the way she did Hoyt. She leaves to feed, telling Jason that she's not ready for the 'intimacy' and who shows up at Jason's door after she leaves?

 None other than Reverend Steven Newlin sporting a brand new set of fangs. I imagine Rev Vamp is experiencing quite a bit of self - loathing at the moment, seeing he's been turned into the thing he hates the most. But why is he at Jason's house? And who turned him?

Sookie chooses neither Bill nor Eric and I mean, seriously people, did you not see that one coming? She really couldn't be with either of them without hurting the other and its Sookie! Miss-Do-Good...sunshine and daisies...this was the way it was going to play out. Furthermore, Gran did tell her to not be afraid to be alone and that girl took those words right to heart and ran with it.

What's crazier than Rene showing up at Merlotte's to warn Arlene about Terry? Poor Arlene was so freaked out after she pinched herself and realized she had fallen asleep. It was odd that Rene was warning her about Terry though, he's such a sweet loving guy. But did you realize the way he looked at her when he introduced her to his Marine buddy and she said "nice to meet you. Terry has told me absolutely nothing about you"? Yea, real suspect.

Nan Flanagan. I've been waiting for them to do this bitch in all season. By now, she should have known better than to threaten Sookie...or to call Bill Compton and Eric Northman puppies. When she revealed that she was fired from the Authority, and wanted to ally with them she was safe. After all, she had been given orders to kill them both and had decided against it. Then she brought up Sookie and Eric took out her guards in the blink of an eye and Bill staked that bitch mid sentence. Rest in a pile of gloop Nan, I sure wont miss you.

Russell is missing from his concrete grave. Alcide made the discovery at about the same moment that Pam was bawling about Eric forsaking her. But who dug Russell out? And is it possible for his fangs to grow back?

Then we get to the part of the episode that had me literally sitting up in my bed with my mouth hanging open. Debbie storms into Sookie's kitchen, shot gun in hand every intention to blow Sookie sky high. She was probably high on V and as is the case with all addicts, she blames someone else for things that have gone wrong in her life. Leveling the gun, she tell Sookie that she should have done this a long time ago. All this time, I'm waiting for Sookie to shoot light rays from her hand and knock Debbie the fuck out...and it seems like she's just about to do it...when in walks Tara.

Tara launches herself in front of Sookie at the same moment Debbie pulls the trigger. There's an explosion and Tara's goes limp. Fueled with built up rage as well as being sick and tired of loved ones dying on her kitchen floor, Sookie flings herself on Debbie and grabs hold of the gun. She places it right under the bitch's chin and Debbie has the motherloving audacity to ask that her life be spared. I felt a wave of deep, dark satisfaction when Sookie blew her head off...I was happy to see the bitch dead.

But lying on the kitchen floor was Tara, and we don't know if she's gone but I for one sincerely hope not.

What did you think of the finale?

All I know, True Blood is definitely getting picked up for a fifth season. The waiting is on

Pink Duchess
xoxo

That Lying, Cheating Piece of *bleep*

How many times has that sentiment been echoed? Far too often in my opinion.

I've never quite gotten why people cheat on each other. The way I see it, you're both grown and if one or both parties are unhappy with the current dynamic of the relationship, then fix it. It's that simple. If you think its not fixable then get the fuck out. 

I'm pretty sure that talking about the things that aren't going right between you two and ultimately deciding to either work through the problems or end the relationship is miles easier than sneaking around trying to cover up your infidelity. 

Do you know how much effort is involved in keeping unfaithfulness a secret? For starters, you have to delete all forms correspondences; the text messages and the emails. Be sure you log out of your IM. You can't just randomly place your phone anywhere because who knows when your jump - off might call? And will somebody please explain to me how these people keep up with the lies! "Ugh, she's my cousin babe, and we were catching up on old times". Two weeks later, you get home from work early to see him giving it to his cousin in the middle of your dinning room on top of your table. Yea, that's a really close family. 

The thing about the whole situation though, is that more often than not, the person being cheated on suspects that something is going on, for one reason or another. Whether they smell a strange perfume/cologne on their partner, or they see right through the "I'm working late" stories, whatever the case may be, they usually have their suspicions. What's sad about the whole affair is that most people will just deny, deny, deny and then deny the reality some more. 'Oh, she loves me, she would never cheat on me. I'm reading too much into things'. I say BULL-FUCKING-SHIT. 

If you feel in your gut that something is wrong, it's because something probably is. You should should trust your intuition. There might not be any actual cheating going on but the fact that you feel this way, speaks to a disconnect between you and your partner and its something that definitely needs to be discussed. 

Grow some balls. Lay it all on the table with them; be honest about your feelings. Understand before proceeding with this conversation that this may be the end of everything and accept that. Things can only go one of two ways; you're either together and trying to work it out or you're breaking up. And if it does come to that, don't fool yourself, it will hurt like hell's fire but I guarantee you, it'll hurt a whole lot less than finding out he's been having mid afternoon study session with his classmate in her dorm room.

Pink Duchess 

xoxo

Friends with Benefits

Hello my lovelies! I know...I know....I've been MIA but I just moved and I was unpacking and all the lovely complications that come with relocating.

Anyway, I'm back and I have two words for you: fuck buddies.

Have you guys seen either of the movies "No Strings Attached" or "Friends with Benefits"?
Either one will do really because as far as I'm concerned, the stories are the same. Two friends...two single friends....two single sexually frustrated friends decide to have no strings attached sex with each other and we know how the story ends; they end up (in both cases) falling stupidly deeply in love and yadda yadda ya.

My question is this: is it truly possible to engage in "no strings attached sex" with a friend? Please notice, I say friend, because I am well aware that a person can have sex with a stranger without any sort of emotions coming into play. The dynamic is different. With a one night stand, you usually don't know the person and the chances of you seeing them again are often times slim, hence the detachment.

However, you are emotionally invested in a friend. You already care for this person. otherwise you wouldn't be friends, now would you? So how do you both enter into a physical relationship,with a promise to each other that the feelings will not develop beyond the platonic? It seems to me that adding the physical aspect to any friendship opens the door for emotions to escalate beyond the platonic. But maybe I'm just crazy.

So how many of these fuck buddy situations actually work out anyway? Not many you say....I wonder why? It probably has to do with the fact that friends really shouldn't sleep with friends.

Now don't get me wrong, I can definitely see the appeal. Screw the awkward getting to know you dates! This right here is my homie, I've known him since high school. The convenience is also an added plus. Horny at 2 a.m.? Hot sex on the kitchen counter is a text message away. Don't wanna cuddle? No problem! When you're done, show him the door. And who knows you better than friend? Your likes and dislikes, turn - ons and turn offs, your flaws, your insecurities; you don't have to hide or cover up who you are with them. It seems like a pretty sweet deal.

Then everything goes south. One friend falls, whether it be for the fuck buddy or for some other random person. Usually the feelings aren't mutual. The fuck buddy doesn't feel as emotionally attached as the fallen friend or the fuck buddy is not ready to give their sexual privileges. Either way, this is a recipe for heartache and a ruined friendship.

And let's just say I'm a pessimistic bitch and it does work out. The sex is good, you had your fun, its over and done with and both parties have move on to new relationships, friendship intact. If the current partners find out (and  they somehow always do, especially the women) that you two used to sleep together, there is bound to be a whole lot of d-r-a-m-a and jealousy going around.

I can hear y'all in the back of my head saying "don't knock til you've tried it", but let me tell you this, I am knocking it. I stand firm by what I say; friends should not sleep with friends. (Now if only the cast of Jersey Shore would take my foolish advice...)

The Pink Duchess
xoxo